So it’s been a month since I arrived in Sao Paulo. And yes, I am on the look for a new job. I have been sending CVs to all companies I have had the chance to investigate their work and enjoyed it. Perhaps it sounds like I am desperate, but I am not. This is actually a very judicious search, I only go for companies I do enjoy what they say about themselves and I like their clients and what they have devised for them.
Unfortunately, I have not heard from many. Perhaps it is a matter of time. But I have been growing anxious and unenthusiastic. I sometimes think I could as well be a character in a short story told by someone not very different from me. But I am real, I am a human being. Deception brings anxiety, which in turns brings days in which I feel a bit down and all that jazz. It is as predictable as any story. Anyone could write it. I spent the whole day yesterday blaming God for lack of imagination. He builds up a story – it is my life but it doesn’t matter. I start very hopeful, and then as days pass I get anxious and slightly disappointed. That happens to everyone. It’s God’s lack of creativity. On what concerns emotions, perhaps he was too tired of creating nature and our human body and how disease would infect us and in what way a cure would be possible etc. Feelings are very straight forward. If I win the lottery, I am happy. If I do not succeed in winning a London 2012 gold medal, I am sad. We are all made up of this very plain and dull thing which commands our lives.
Then, as a few days go by, I get a call for an interview and I am happy again. I wish it could all be different. I am trying to work it out how to make it different so that I can write a story you will be surprised at the end and still understand the feelings contained in it. I want to be more creative than God. Because I am not sure I believe in God. And if I were to pray for something I would ask him to surprise me. To show me that there is more to it than the way I see life now. It feels a bit dull right now, as if God was either too tired or too careless. I blame him for that. I blame him for our mundane aspect and I hope we could all be a bit more creative in our days to come and perhaps a little more fun.